So far, we had this dream of a child we wanted to bring home and of becoming a parent. You have to some extent a romantic notion of what it would be like when you finally meet the children who are waiting for you. How you will fall in love with one and they in love with you.
But trust me nothing prepares you for your first visit. We landed up at the adoption centre to verify all documentation and their services. It is a small setup in a remote village with local people who do this noble work day in and out and are passionate about what they do. It touches your heart to see the joy on their faces when they talk about the children.
We spent sometime with the Orphanage director who also happens to be a friend and he shows us around and introduces us to the staff. There are various ways, he tells us, in which children come to this orphange.
The director had told us that the children have to be told every time a visitor comes that they have just come to visit and not necessarily to take them home. To the younger children it doean't really matter. But for the older kids since they have seen other children leaving the orphange with parents it is a anxious experince.
We ventured into the hall and looked at the babies, since that is the easiest and the most tempting. Most of them looked clean and well looked after. There were some "Mausis" (caretakers) around who were looking after the children. A few toddlers grew curious and came to us. We also found some children who had major medical issues, who had been abndoned and they really had no future. It breaks your heart to see so many children who ideally should be loved and should be with a family, just hanging around there waiting to be taken home.
Also, at the same time, we were paralised because for a young upwardly mobile couple who has had their lives just the way we wanted it, this was a moment of realisation. We could be taking one of these kids home and become parents overnight. At that moment I appreciated the long process of child birth. You have nine months to psych yourself into being a parent. You have family around you which talks about what to do, what not to do. You prepare the nursery, buy toys and clothes. And here we were totally unprepared for such a big life changing moment.
When we left the orphange and drove back to Mumbai, I dont think we said much to each other. I think we both were in a bit of a shock.
Also, when we looked at the kid there was nothing like an instant connection, you think will be there. I have been told to some extent it is because the kids in orphanges don't look (appearence wise) the way kids look in our familes. Their hairs are cut so short that they don't need haircuts very often. The clothes they wear are the kind of clothes the orphanage can afford. Definitly no "Gini n Johny"or "Mother Care" there.
But mainly what spooked us for sometime was the fact that overnight we will have a young human being dependant on us for all his / her emtional and physical needs. My husband definitly realised the impact of it when he looked at the children. He looked so scared, I had to laugh.
It took us sometime to get back to normal and this time the whole thing was more real to us. We started to relate to the whole experience in real terms. That I think would happen to biological parents when they see the first sonograph.
After the visit we redoubled our effort in getting the paper work sorted out, and the orphanage file became a constant fixture on our centre table.
But trust me nothing prepares you for your first visit. We landed up at the adoption centre to verify all documentation and their services. It is a small setup in a remote village with local people who do this noble work day in and out and are passionate about what they do. It touches your heart to see the joy on their faces when they talk about the children.
We spent sometime with the Orphanage director who also happens to be a friend and he shows us around and introduces us to the staff. There are various ways, he tells us, in which children come to this orphange.
- Orphans : Whose parents have died and no close relatives will claim them.
- Abandoned : This kids are generally abandonded in temples, in dumpsters, outside the orphange and their background is not known at all. Sometimes, they get calls, from people who finds a child buried in ground alive and though the orphange tries its best the child cannot be saved.
- Unwed mothers: These are children of mothers who have got pregnant either through sexual assault such as rape or became pregnant due to unprotected sex before marriage. These mothers come to the orphange for the period of their pregnancy as they have a program for unwed mothers which makes them self sufficient as well as look after them through their pregnancy. These mothers in the end give up their children for adoption and go on to start their lives afresh. The instances of unwed mothers was coming down drastically due to abortion pills being easily available now a days we were told.
The director had told us that the children have to be told every time a visitor comes that they have just come to visit and not necessarily to take them home. To the younger children it doean't really matter. But for the older kids since they have seen other children leaving the orphange with parents it is a anxious experince.
We ventured into the hall and looked at the babies, since that is the easiest and the most tempting. Most of them looked clean and well looked after. There were some "Mausis" (caretakers) around who were looking after the children. A few toddlers grew curious and came to us. We also found some children who had major medical issues, who had been abndoned and they really had no future. It breaks your heart to see so many children who ideally should be loved and should be with a family, just hanging around there waiting to be taken home.
Also, at the same time, we were paralised because for a young upwardly mobile couple who has had their lives just the way we wanted it, this was a moment of realisation. We could be taking one of these kids home and become parents overnight. At that moment I appreciated the long process of child birth. You have nine months to psych yourself into being a parent. You have family around you which talks about what to do, what not to do. You prepare the nursery, buy toys and clothes. And here we were totally unprepared for such a big life changing moment.
When we left the orphange and drove back to Mumbai, I dont think we said much to each other. I think we both were in a bit of a shock.
Also, when we looked at the kid there was nothing like an instant connection, you think will be there. I have been told to some extent it is because the kids in orphanges don't look (appearence wise) the way kids look in our familes. Their hairs are cut so short that they don't need haircuts very often. The clothes they wear are the kind of clothes the orphanage can afford. Definitly no "Gini n Johny"or "Mother Care" there.
But mainly what spooked us for sometime was the fact that overnight we will have a young human being dependant on us for all his / her emtional and physical needs. My husband definitly realised the impact of it when he looked at the children. He looked so scared, I had to laugh.
It took us sometime to get back to normal and this time the whole thing was more real to us. We started to relate to the whole experience in real terms. That I think would happen to biological parents when they see the first sonograph.
After the visit we redoubled our effort in getting the paper work sorted out, and the orphanage file became a constant fixture on our centre table.
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